it would seem
after what I have seen
what has been done
that I may be compelled to speak or otherwise collapse into a former, below; underneath
but just as I must not shout in moments of celebration,
I must remain still and level, even as I am disturbed
lest I waver too intensely
a year ago, in the spring, I vanished
I thought of the smile as an unnatural facial expression, as non-neutral, and I thought of the expectation to smile; yet it was not unusual, for that is the expectation of life: to try, to make effort, when it is not natural, and perhaps especially so.
He is lying very still in his bed, on his back, in the dark.